"Mazama Ranch", 8" x 10", Oil, 2008

I used to be a programmer. I read an article that Clint pointed to today about how painting and programming are alike. People always exclaim how lucky I am that I can do that left brain stuff along with the right, a view that has always struck me as inexcusably simplistic. Painting and programming are at the very least about problem solving--they both involve holding multiple variables in the mind at the same time.  The logic of a computer program becomes creative using visual/spatial skills--and I don't mean layout of screens--I was never any good at that.  No, logic is a lot more complicated than that and its really fun.

But programming is easier than painting.  At least for me.  It doesn't involve all the baggage that painting has--that C in fourth grade art.  I was one of the smart kids, so I got a special piece of paper--all the other kids got newsprint. But I was terrified of making a mistake and the teacher didn't fail to express her disgust at the waste of a good piece of paper.  The humiliation was complete.  I did music all the way through high school.

When I first learned to program at the Computer Learning Center in San Francisco back in the early 80's, the programs we created generated a stack of punch cards.  We handed them to the guy in the computer room and he ran them through the computer.  Then I got a printout of the error messages.  I would go back to the computer screen and fixed the problems--either the syntax or the logic.  Man--was getting that printout an exciting bit of business.  Getting a run through without errors--a sense of accomplishment.  That's why programming is easier than painting.  My way of fixing the logic might be creative and I might go into the zone doing it, but I always know if it works or not--almost immediately.  It is a case of short term gratification--better than chocolate.  It doesn't require courage, just curiosity.  I never felt that I didn't know what to do--I would just go into the zone and do something.

Painting is a different story.  There's no computer you can run it through to tell you if it works or not.  The debugging mechanisms (my own vision and other people) are highly subjective.  Besides syntax and logic, there is expression.  There are a whole lot of things.  Having a good day matters.

I'm still cornered by that C in fourth grade--that horrible feeling of not knowing what to do.  I went to a workshop last summer with a famous artist.  He came by one day and showed me a couple of things on my painting, then handed back the brush and told me a few more things to change.  I looked at him.  He looked back, and said, are you afraid?  I said yes.  He said, be brave.